For this entry I'll warn you. This isn't going to be a light-hearted affair. My mind has been toiling and recent experiences have lead me to feel lonely, scared, sad and a little hopeless.
I want to highlight a version of the world that by all means exist, but that we scim over with Celebrity Big Brother TV sessions, BBQ's and most currently, the Christmas holidays.
Countless things in the world exist to give us a sense of family, of community, love and unity. Or do they do the exact opposite.
I have a friend (25) who has a six year old child which she concieved at the age of 17. Her mother did nothing but judge her decision to keep the baby, and my friend never got the chance to enjoy her pregnancy. The father was no where around to be seen. From the moment of birth it was my friend and her baby alone in the world. Friends came and went, so did an abusive boyfriend, making the childs first memories in the world ones of her mothers head being bashed against a wall. This friend has been trying to survive and provide for her child for the past few years and no one has consistly supported her. No one has stuck by her through thick and thin, despite this young woman being one of the most gentle-hearted, kind and beautiful people I have ever met.
I have another friend (30) who's boyfriend has hit her, manipulated her, used her, stolen money from her, survived off her earnings, smashed her car up and belittled her constantly, yet claims to love her. She still goes back to him now even after all that. The only reason I can fathom why is lonliness. But that's just my guess.
I have another friend (24) who suffered a miscarriage without realising she was pregnant. Her mother called her a whore and said that she deserved this and kicked her out of home. The poor girl took to her bed for two weeks and waited for the remains of the foetus to fall out of her, without the love of her mother, too ashamed to tell anyone.
And there is me, last year I suffered several accounts of rape and sexual assault and to a certain extent, an emotional/mental entrapment. He was not charged. And he continued to stalk me and my family for several long months. I was abandoned by nearly all my friends, my family fell apart, my mother suicidal and I was left to the world alone, suffering deeply from depression and anxiety, losing my mind tormented by the silence my world was in.
Now I find my parents a separating because my stepfather felt the pressure of my mothers depression baring down on him and as a result, an alienating rift has passed between them.
This are just a few accounts of peoples devastations that I have encountered and that's just the people I know. Let alone the plethera of individuals roaming the planet alone, terrified, abused, hopeless, ashamed, tormented and suffering.
This is where I come to what I'm getting at, that sense of community, of unity, family that we all think we have, where has it gone?
Maybe we're all so disillusioned and jaded my our own personal tortures and pasts that we feel everybody is our enemy, so why look out for them when they're only going to hurt us, right?
I'm just curious as to how everyone in the world can feel so lonely with several billion people living in it. Are we all out for ourselves?
Everyone?!
How do we survive like that?
And I haven't even touched upon the evil that has abused us into these states yet.
Can anyone explain to me why I can be fully convinced that the only reason a man could be interested in me is because he wants to bang me, but you'd have to crowbar the belief into me that anyone could show me any human compassion or kindness without an agenda? Is anyone with you because genuinely all they want is your safety and to know you? Can anyone truly love your mind?
Yet again, I haven't even raised the atrosities being commited to people and creatures all over the world. War, famine, rape, forced female circumcision, violence, gun crime, theft. And who is really there? Who saves us? Who brings these kind of evil people in the world. What is actually being done to prevent them. I would rather not be brash, but with all this recession talk, a lack of jobs and with bureaucracy getting in the way of the police actually being able to protect us, with prisons being too full, with all factors such as this being taken into account, I'll gladly state that I believe the death penalty should be brought into action.
And yes, I know, doesn't that make us just as bad as them, well no, I don't believe so, if the death of an individual prevents the deaths of others. Or in any case protects the safety of others. Well, what about our souls? Well, the UK can no longer be defined as a christian country anymore since no one practices or believes in such things, so what do our souls really have to fear, since there is no afterlife to judge them?
I'll conclude on this, it seems that people are more inclined to do damage by one another than actually offer a hand to the underdog that lies in the dirt and this, to me, is what is wrong with the world we live in today.
Please forgive the depressing nature of this blog but maybe it's something to think about. And if you think you're innocent of ever doing wrong by another person, then chances are you are one of the bigger nasty cunts walking this earth.
Maybe stand by someone once in a while, even if it puts you out a bit. Maybe take the time to walk an old lady across the street. Maybe give some change to a big issue seller but don't take the magazine. Maybe take the time to talk to a chugger standing in the rain and sign up to a charity if you believe it's a good cause. Maybe even just buy your mum some flowers just because it's a Thursday and you love her.
Whatever it may be, I'm just saying, at least try and do one thing every day to brighten up a persons day. Can you imagine how you'd feel if a stranger gave you an umbrella in the pouring rain and just left you to it. Or if you had an all day pass on the tubes round London and if you were done with it in the afternoon, you handed it over to someone to save them the few quid. These things make a difference and they would make a difference to you to if someone did them for you.
Much love to you all and I wish you all the happiness in the world. X
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